The veil within the temple, like all outer realities, is a sign of an inner reality, within us each. We have increasing, expanding degrees of withinness, of embrace - God is embracing through us, and embracing us back to God.

Each level of embrace, or intimacy, opens to a more indepth, richer, more full - thus, more Loving - embrace, or extension. The fuller does not negate the previous levels, but dissolves their relative aspects, into a larger whole. Love seen at an egocentric level, even in its true aspects, changes at, let us say, a worldcentric level. When we release an old pattern of loving, or embrace, to situate at a more mature one, this means within it was Love, and that Desire had an omega tendency, or thrust toward, finally, Union with God - which is our destiny. But, in being One with God, we are One with All.

The temple at Jerusalem had two curtains; one at the entrance, the other separating the holy place from the most holy place – the latter, a place where only a high priest could enter. The veil being torn is likely the veil before the most holy place. But whether that one, or the other, the tearing speaks socially of dissolving of boundaries set up by religion and society – not God. This speaks of expanded connectivity, maturer loving, the removal of obstacles to our journey from, in, and to God, through the varied, diverse avenues nested within the living, fecund matrix of Nature.

Thus, Love is essentially neither religious nor moral, neither irreligious nor immoral: Love is Love. God is Love. When religion or society seeks to define and control Love, rather than Love define its own Nature and wisdom, then, Love is repressed, and masses of people suffer. Likewise, often "God" is used as an excuse for the repressions of True Love. Religion and society can give wisdom, not define, and cannot control this Love.

And we find these same temple-veils within us, that need to be opened up - dissolved - toward Intimacy - Love. The irony is that we move more into Love, by Love. Such movement cannot be sustained except by Love that inspires us to move toward Itself. This is why surrender and humbleness is so powerful a concept and act in the religious traditions. This is what we mean by Grace - this Being, this Energy, this Attraction that inspires and enables to receive increasingly beyond what we, in our ego-selves could, can. In a sense, pride is always a defense against surrender to intimacy - Love, Grace, God.

We, too, are temples; we each are. We, as godly, are destined for intimacy, for the dissolving of the “veils” that separate. This intimacy can take different forms, yet each is sacred. And one may be blessed to share intimacy with another person in all forms: from what we could call physical-sexual … pure Spirit, spirit. Still, any true, directly-ordered intimacy, in whatever form and context, is holy, is sacred, is of Love – Godly.

A challenge facing us is the many forms of false, dis-ordered intimacies. That is, disordered directions persons seek true intimacy. This never satisfies the longing of the soul – which only seeks well-ordered, spiritual intimacies. And while persons may think of sexual perversions and disordered sexual longings, possibly the most over-looked pseudo-intimacies is within religion and spirituality. That is, religion or spirituality can - and often do - become a defense against the holiness of intimacy, rather than a facilitation of and blessing of intimacy.

And the Church has done focused work on reminding us of its understandings of prohibition in these matters of relationships. Yet, the Church has done usually poorly – very much so – in teaching about spiritual intimacies within human relationships. It has given its directives, and most often little else to address the complexities of these matters.

Even in the domain of sexual energy, we have failed in our culture to see and understand this adequately. We are impoverished in thought regarding this aspect of intimacy. Persons appeal to traditional teachings and refuse to deal with the matter in its present, very complex contexts, or persons dive into disordered sexual expressing and lose themselves in pure lust and fleshy greed that uses the other as an object - of course, often under the guise of "making love."

One example of mishandling is the battle about homosexuality. Persons tend to go to opposites: yes or no. Yet, they typically give only their convictions and do not see into the varied facets of the issue, from both sides. In this battle, sexuality as a wholesome, spiritual intimacy recedes into the background, while opposing sides argue on a specific expression - demonizing the other side.

Instead, such disagreements could be a means into exploring more in concert and graciousness the larger issues of intimacy spiritually and the human longing for it in some form. Yet, in defensiveness, and moralism, persons tend to miss that point, and the potential of fruitful exploration of wider concerns and needs within the matter of the human need - even necessity - for intimacy.

The nuances of this matter need addressing, or the other issues are presented in an over-simplistic way, and often an unloving way from both sides, with facile, prejudiced judgments and caricatures of each other. This itself is a violation of Love, and a refusal to follow the teaching of Jesus on Grace.

Suffice it to say, sexuality is holy. Sexual energy is to be expressed in true intimacy. This means sexual intimacy is to be an expression of the spirit, which encompasses the body aspect. So, in a directional sense, it moves “downward” from spirit into body, and sharing of body with body, back “upward” to Spirit – God..., while two are in Spirit.

In this sense sexuality is sacramental. The bodily energies are an expression of spirit through Spirit. The Incarnation of the Word heralds the holiness of the total self and its needs, its sacred desires. Each true need reflects the wholeness of God, and our return to communion with God through Nature.

Yet, this does not mean this River of Affection is to flow in any direction. We are responsible for proper expression of all intimacies, as energies gifted us by God. All religions teach against disordered affections and seek to give specific guidance on appropriate use of all loving energies. This is an innate acknowledgment of the holiness and power of intimatic energies.

That I love someone, does not mean how I "want" to express that or feel I "need" to is right or healthy. If that were the case, any number of sexual perversions should be socially accepted, but none of us agree with, for example, justifying pedophiliac behavior as well-ordered intimacy. Therefore, what I feel or think cannot, in the last order, be justification for what is right or healthy. And to say one disagrees with specific behaviors in this area is not the same as being close-minded or bigoted, or that one is phobic. We can sincerely hold convictions, yet hold them in kindness and graciousness.

Unfortunately, eroticism has been almost totally linked with genital intercourse in our culture. Likewise, persons who choose to practice celibacy are seen as repressed persons. But - and I write as a person who is celibate - a person can be highly erotic in a healthy way and practice abstinence from genital sexuality by choice. Indeed, sexuality defined genitally is only one form of sexual energy-expression. The same energy some express genitally in relationship can be channeled in other ways - including to heighten devotion of the Divine. So, erotic-intimacy does not simply mean genital-sexuality; and, indeed, likely the majority of sexuality in our culture lacks a fulfilling intimacy, and leads to dissatisfaction, not spiritual love, joy, and peace.

Likewise, two persons can have a strong erotic attraction to each other and decide to channel it toward spiritual growth, and not toward genital-engagement. For example, a man and woman could join together in decision to take their erotic-attraction for each other to employ that energy toward Union with the Divine in Love, without turning their relationship into a sexual-genital direction. This is a complex matter, and one should not enter such a conscious path without exploring the potential challenges and pitfalls, as well as benefits. Likewise, I would recommend both persons be under a Spiritual Director, Teacher, during this process.

Now, I will shift a little. I will get more specific about this matter of “intimacy” generally, and as it pertains, essentially, to spiritual life. I do not intend to address and seek any resolution of the specific concerns, only the over-all concept of “intimacy.” Without an understanding of this basic thought, then, all our debates and concerns over intimacy are without a healthy, solid context.

And simply quoting some Bible verses or "the Church says" is not enough for most people - not for the intricacies of the basic, natural, and creative need within the human, universally, of whatever faith or no faith. We must set a background within human experience and need, or we will fail in our addressing the needs of others in this matter, and likely our own, also. While we hold our spiritual tradition and scriptures, we have to remain grounded, too, in the reality that we are created beings, in Creation, with specific needs grounded in being created selves. And, while the specifics of tradition and scriptures may shift in space-time, the universal Truth in them does not. Therefore, there is unity in the principles of tradition and human existence, and need.

Desmond Morris, a zoologist, defines intimacy, in Intimate Behavior, presenting what I call a materialistic-physical idea: "To be intimate means to be close … In my terms, the act of intimacy occurs whenever two individuals come into bodily contact." In this sense, I could say I am intimate with someone simply by my elbow touching his or her in the checkout line at the grocery story. This idea reflects a total lack of the spiritual depths of intimacy, so prevalent in Western cultures. And much teaching in the Church seems to reflect a materialist bias, too, as though the body is the foe of spirit, and Spirit. In this, the churches often fail to grasp the profound, societal, and mystical aspects of their own teaching on the Incarnation of Christ.

Dr. Dan McAdams, author of several books on intimacy, gives what I call an affective-subjective idea: "The desire for intimacy is the desire to share one's innermost self with another."

Intimacy comes from the Latin meaning "inner" or "innermost." Therefore, to be intimate is a connection including cognitive and affective properties and which can be broadly defined as: The sharing of one's whole Self in relationship. The total being, then, becomes sacramental: a means of expressing Godness, Goding; Love, Loving; the total self of each person, for the whole being is sacred. All intimacy, even the most non-physical, so to speak, will include the body: for the human is a being with fully-integrated energy-aspects in union, and destined to restoration of union with God. Intimacy is simply the journey toward a full realization of our union with everything, in the Divine Fullness.

A radio commentator was talking about her vacation at a gorgeous seaside town in Mexico. One afternoon she saw an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand along the beach. She could see they clearly loved each other much. Later that day the commentator saw the couple at dinner. She apologetically introduced herself and asked for the secret of their strong show of intimacy.

The woman, amused, said, "Our secret is that my husband has always been a bit hard of hearing! You see, we were married during the Depression. Both of us worked two, sometimes three, jobs just to make ends meet. One day I came home so exhausted, I said to my husband, 'I'm so tired, my teeth hurt!' Well, he took me by the hand, sat me down, took off my shoes, and lovingly rubbed my feet!"

She continued, "I think you understand the mix-up! But from that day on, this became our little ritual. At the end of each day, my husband has always lovingly rubbed my feet. With this simple act, he shows me daily how much he loves me and, in turn, I remember how much I love him. And no matter what else is going on in our lives, or in the world, we always remember how easy it is to love each other."

Intimacy, as this story shows, is nurtured by action and often by small rituals affirming affection and tender-heartedness. One small action, one brief word or few words, this is all it takes to nurture closeness. So, focus, in nurturing intimacy, not on the bigger things, but the small things that express care, concern, and connection.

1)In your own words, define “intimacy.” What is true intimacy, generally? What do you see as disordered “intimacy” and as ordered – or appropriate – expressions of intimacy, or intimacies?

2)Differentiate between the following expressions of intimacy – general affection, family affection, friendship affection, romantic and marital affection, spiritual affection. Clarify how intimacy shifts from one to the other. Can a relationship have each affection merged as one? Explain.

3)Do you share intimacy with someone that blends more than one of the above? What is that like for you?

4)What are false intimacies you see in our culture? Have you ever shared a false, disordered, intimacy? What did you learn from that?

5)Note a relationship you are in. What are small ways you can use to enrich that relationship? Define such potential under the following:

a) Attitude/Feeling

b) Thought/Intent

c)Action/Behavior

6) How does your relationship with the Sacred aid you in nurturing intimacies healthily, for the good of others and yourself?

*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis, with friends and under a vow of simplicity. Brian is an ecumenical-interspiritual leader, who chooses not to identify with any group, and renounces all titles of sacredness that some would apply to him, but seeks to be open to how Christ manifests in the diversity of Christian denominations and varied religious-spiritual traditions. He affirms that all spiritual paths lead ultimately back to Jesus Christ. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Punta Gorda, FL.

*Brian welcomes responses to his writings or submission of prayer requests at briankwilcox@yahoo.com . Also, Brian is on Facebook: search Brian Kenneth Wilcox.

*Contact the above email to book Brian for preaching, Spiritual Direction, retreats, workshops, animal blessing services, house blessings, or other spiritual requests. You can order his book An Ache for Union from major booksellers.